Difficult Day

Today has been a very difficult day for me. It is hard to believe another year has gone by since I lost my darling Bo. I still think of him daily and sometimes I still can feel him with me. I visited the cemetery and talked with him for a while and then I went to visit my Mom and Dad's gravesite. Next week will also be the anniversary of my Dad's death and it is even harder to believe that it has been 21 years since we lost him. Everywhere I look I see the sites of those who have left me and I really feel so alone. First Daddy, then my younger brother Gerald, Bo, Mom and many other family members and friends. My brother, David is estranged from me (his choice--not mine!) and that leaves only Jason and me. And now I worry about Jason--what will he do when I am gone. I really wish he could find a wonderful woman and settle down. Although I love my step grands to death I really would love to have grandbabies of my own.

Finally Finished!

I was finally able to get this one finished. This is my Japanese Garden from Chatelaine Designs and it is gorgeous. Stitched on a hand dyed fabric called Fleur from Sugar Maple Fabrics using lots of silk and metallic fibers, Delica beads and Swarovski Crystals. I may not be able to get it framed right away but right now I have it on the back of my sofa just enjoying looking at it.

Harry Potter and More...

This week has been busy for me but for the last two days I simply have not wanted to stitch. So instead I have been reading. Now don't laugh but I had never read any of the Harry Potter books. I thought they were for kids. But my friend Kiki loaned me her set and I have read the first two--in two days--and plan to start the third one tonight. These are addicitive! I cannot seem to put them down when I start reading.

I did make progress on my model this week however and before long I will be able to get back to my Japanese Garden!

Another Sunday....

Another week come and gone. Where does the time go? I have been sharing some of my recent finishes with you and I hope you are enjoying them. Today I am stitching on a model for Martina so I can't share what it is but I am making very good progress. Hopefully I will get it finished soon and can work on some more of my own projects.

Mermaid's Treasure Box and Toys

This is another recent finish that I haven't yet shared with you. It is the Mermaid's Treasure Box from Chatelaine Designs. I actually stitched two of these--one for myself and one for Judy Odell who, in exchange, professionally finished mine for me.

This is the inside of this one. There is a removable shelf, a Scissors Keep and Fob, and a Needlebook/Pin Keep. I love how Judy finished these and the colors of silk and cording are just perfect

Mystic Meadows Box and Toys

Mystic Meadows Box
Designed by Martina Weber of Chatelaine Designs.

I finished this a little while ago and never got a chance to share it with you. It is stitched on Millennium Blue Belfast Linen using silks, metallic braids, Delica beads and Swarovski Crystals.

This is the inside of the box showing the stitching tools inside.

I have the Blues...

Today is cold and drab and I feel rather down. Maybe it is post-holiday let down or maybe it is just that time of year. I have been stitching a lot and making progress on a souple of projects including my latest model for Martina. Hopefully I will have some photos to share soon.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

I hope each of us have a wonderful new year. I have spent a wonderful weekend with my friends Kiki, Angel, Angela and Tracy and we had our Christmas get together. I got lots of goodies but the best part was spending time stitching and sharing with friends.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Today will be a quiet day for me. I've already had Christmas with my step-family and that just leaves Jason and me. Jason will be going to visit friends later so we will have our Christmas early and then I will spend the day stitching and watching Christmas movies on TV. But next weekend my *Stitching Buddies* will be coming to spend the weekend and we will have our Christmas then and bring in the New Year together.

The Misadventures of The Mad Stitcher—Take One

It was Sunday evening and The Mad Stitcher was frantically trying to finish up some last details before going away on a much anticipated, much needed stitching retreat to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. She had been looking forward to this trip for months and the time was finally here. But she was nowhere ready for it. She still had to do laundry before she could pack and she still needed to decide just which stitching projects to take with her. Although she would only be gone for four days she always tended to pack for four weeks! She was in the process of packing her *snack* bag when she felt it—that awful twinge followed by the excruciating pain radiating down from her back to her right leg. She caught herself before she fell and managed to sit down. Noooooooo! She cried. Why now? (Strike one!)

She reached for her meds and hoped that she would be able to head it off before it became a full blown attack. She relaxed and slept for the rest of the evening and all of the following day. But on Tuesday The Mad Stitcher knew she had to get some things done. She managed to throw a load of clothes into the washing machine and then again sat down to rest. It became clear that her plans were in jeopardy. But she was determined that she was going on this trip. It only happened once a year and this was her one chance to get away from the real world for a couple of days.

Her dear friend Kiki was to come to her house on Wednesday and the two of them would drive together to the beach. She emailed Kiki to let her know what was going on but refused to cancel her plans. When Kiki arrived on Wednesday afternoon, nothing was done. But in true friendship fashion, Kiki began to sort laundry and pack for her dear friend. Soon her suitcase was ready for the last minute toiletries. The bag with the snacks was ready for loading and the cooler was ready for the soft drinks they would be taking. All that was left to do was pack the stitching bag. So as The Mad Stitcher pointed and *supervised*, the bag was readied for travel. That night the two of them went to bed early so that they could get an early start in the morning.

Thursday arrived with wonderful unseasonably warm weather and Kiki began loading the car. She wouldn’t let The Mad Stitcher do anything! Trip after trip was made until finally the last bag, box, and hanger was loaded. All that remained to do was load The Mad Stitcher’s wheelchair on to the lift attached to her car. The key was inserted and the lift lowered to the correct position. The chair was guided into place and the lift began rising. When it was about two inches off the ground it suddenly stopped. It wouldn’t move any further. Kiki started the car thinking maybe the battery was low. It didn’t help. The Mad Stitcher checked all the connections—nothing worked! What now? She thought! Finally she called the lift company. She was very frustrated and by now was in quite a bit of pain. She finally got to talk to a real person and followed all the *checks* that she suggested. She was finally reminded that she had a manual crank that she could use to finish raising the chair. After what seemed like hours--and unloading and reloading the car a couple of times--the crank was found, the chair was raised, and they were on their way at last! (Strike two!)

As she pulled out of the driveway, The Mad Stitcher began to calm down and relax a bit. It took a while but even the pain in her back and legs lessened. The two friends were able to laugh about it later and spent the next few hours driving and catching up on all the happenings of their lives and families. They had gotten a much later start but eventually arrived at the hotel in good spirits.

As they pulled into the hotel registration area, they saw their other friend and roommate Angel coming to help. They got the chair unloaded first, then Kiki and Angel unloaded the car and sent The Mad Stitcher on ahead to the room. As the Mad Stitcher approached the elevator the door was open and she moved her chair into position for entering. Just as she started into the elevator the doors closed hitting her knees. (Remember, it is her bad knees that has her in the wheelchair in the first place!) She screamed in pain and a couple ran to assist. Although the hotel staff was there in an instant the damage had already been done. The pain was unbelievable. Why had it had to hit her knees for goodness sake? Why had the door started to close in the first place? Why me? She thought. (Strike three!)

It was becoming more and more evident that this weekend should not have taken place for The Mad Stitcher. She should have stayed home and nursed her back in solitude! Statements were taken. Ice was placed on her injured knee. And The Mad Stitcher sat down to elevate her legs and recover. Kiki and Angel finished unpacking and getting everything ready for the weekend. They decided to go to a local needlepoint shop but The Mad Stitcher decided to stay in and get some rest before the weekend workshop started. When the others returned they decided to get something to eat in the hotel restaurant rather than going out again. They met up with a group of fellow stitchers and enjoyed a couple of hours together. They returned to the room and prepared for bed. Since The Mad Stitcher was unable to sleep in a bed she chose the more comfortable (she thought) of the two chairs and prepared to sleep. But unfortunately the chair was more uncomfortable than she had anticipated. She couldn’t find a restful position and her back and legs began to throb. By morning she was ready to scream! But she had known that physically it would be difficult so she kept going.

The next morning they were ready to start. The classes were wonderful. Meg Thompson Shinall (daughter of Ginnie Thompson) of the Flower Thread Company was the teacher and host. The Mad Stitcher reacquainted herself with past friends and met several new ones. The class project was lots of fun and she knew she would enjoy finishing it. She learned several new stitches and cutting techniques and was very pleased with the results. It was a sampler continuing the Full Moon Series started several years before. This one was the Buck Moon. There will be a total of twelve in this series. Past ones include Wolf Moon, Snow Moon, Linton Moon, Pink Moon, Full Flower Moon, and Strawberry Moon.

They went for seafood the following night and it was marvelous. You can never have too much seafood! And The Mad Stitcher had been looking forward to it since last year! And while the others went shopping The Mad Stitcher stayed close to *home*. The Mad Stitcher played a game of musical chairs but came to the conclusion that sleep would not be allowed for this weekend! The weekend continued without further incident except that The Mad Stitcher became more and more physically taxed and exhausted. Soon it was Sunday and time to go home. Once again Angel and Kiki packed up and loaded the car. How can it be that there is more stuff coming home when much of what was carried was consumed or left behind? The mysteries of physics? Once more the two of them were on the road. With only the minimum stop for gas and lunch, they made excellent time. They arrived and once again Kiki had the task of unloading the car. At least she was staying the night and continuing home the next morning. The Mad Stitcher was very relieved to be home. As she sat down in her *blue monster* she never would have believed that she was actually glad to see it again. Her blue chair was horribly worn out and not the most comfortable chair in the world—thus the *blue monster* tag—but compared to what she had been forced to use these last four days, it was heaven! Needless to say these two weary stitchers had a very early night of it!

The next morning Kiki reloaded her own car and dressed and headed for home—or rather work! After she left The Mad Stitcher once again fell asleep. She awoke only to go to the bathroom. She took her meds and tried to keep her feet and legs elevated. Her knees were still swollen and the bruises were still painful and *tight*. She knew she needed to take her diuretic (Lasix) but didn’t have the energy to get up and down for the bathroom every few minutes. So Monday was a wasted day. She slept all day and didn’t even stitch or check emails. Tuesday became a *dragging* day. She did nothing useful but did take her meds and check her emails—over 600….some will have to wait! Again on Wednesday she took her diuretic and began to feel slightly more human. After four days of diuretics, pain pills, rest, and recuperating The Mad Stitcher was finally able to pick up her stitching once more. Her Japanese Garden was sadly neglected but now once again would have some attention.

Although her house is still a mess, her laundry hasn’t yet been done, her lift has not yet been repaired and her body still feels like it has been through the wringer, The Mad Stitcher has no regrets. The emotional, spiritual, and psychological benefits far outweigh the physical hardships. There will always be physical barriers to cross and obstacles to overcome but time spent with friends is far too short and infrequent to let these barriers interfere. And this is one time when *Three Strikes do not make an out!*

Today is my birthday. Why do I feel so unhappy? Why do I feel so alone? I always get so depressed this time of year. I think because Bo and I have shared our birthdays for so long and now he is no longer here with me. And, of course, tomorrow is the anniversary of Mom's death. It seems I am losing everyone who means anything to me. The only person I have left is my son Jason. What would I do without him?

Saturdays of Summer

Days go by....one by one....and suddenly a month has passed and then two or twelve. Where does the time go? It seems that it was only a very short while ago that I sat talking with my Dad and watching the baseball game. Daddy loved baseball as much as I do. It was he that taught me the game. He taught me all the ins and outs and even the *infield fly rule*! Growing up my brothers weren't interested in it and my Mom could care less. But every Saturday afternoon my Daddy and I would sit and watch the Game of the Week on TV. This was back in the dark ages before cable television, of course. So we only got to see one game each week. And each week there were different teams playing. The Dodgers were my favorites. But Daddy always pulled for the Cardinals! So it was especially fun when these teams played each other. And don't anyone interrupt us during the World Series! The house would have had to be on fire to get us away from the TV then! The Boys of Summer were a special breed. And those days were a special time. I always loved those Saturdays of Summer.

I remember when the Braves moved to Atlanta. My Daddy was so happy that he signed up for cable TV so he could watch every telecast. We now had a *local* team to pull for. It didn't matter that technically we were not local. It was close enough. So for many years The Atlanta Braves was *our team*--win or lose. And Daddy watched them play every day that they played for as long as he lived.

But today I looked at the calendar. Twenty years.....where has the time gone? It has been twenty years today since my Daddy watched his last baseball game. I sure do miss those Saturdays of Summer and you, Daddy!

Bells by Jeanette

Bells by Jeanette, originally uploaded by The Mad Stitcher.

I have received another wonderful stitched piece for my Crazy Quilt. It was stitched by Jeanette from Alberta, Canada, and it is gorgeous, Sshe chose my favorite colors--red and hunter green! Thought I would share it with you. It will definitely make a wonderful square although I am so tempted to make a pillow of it for my sofa! As you can see it matches the sofa fabric perfectly! Thanks, Jeanette. It is wonderful, my dear friend!

Sunflower by Ness

Sunflower by Ness, originally uploaded by The Mad Stitcher.

I have received my first stitched piece for my Friendship Crazy Quilt. It was stitched by Ness in MN and is wonderful. Her choice of design and fabric were chosen just for me and have special meaning. Thank you so much Ness!

I should be getting ready for Christmas....

Christmas is almost here. Am I ready? of course not! I should be getting ready for Christmas! Instead I am going through all my bits and baubles checking out things for my Crazy Quilt! I am so excited about the project! I have found some beautiful antique buttons and some vintage jewelry in my Mom's jewelry chest. It will be perfect for some of the blocks. I have found bits of trims and lace and beads and sequins and...and...and...

I really should be getting ready for Christmas!

A Tribute To Mom

Since Mom passed away on November 3, 2004 I have found myself thinking about our relationship over the last few years. Sometimes it is easy to remember all the difficult times and fail to remember the good times. Sometimes it is easier to remember the most recent events and fail to recall the events leading up to the present. So last night I went back and read some of my Journal entries for the last couple of years. As many of you know I have journaled for quite a few years usually in the third person as it is easier for me to write in this way. I thought it would be a fitting tribute to share with you an excerpt about my Mom--The Most Wonderful Lady I have ever known.

Mom

She had spent the day with Mom.... What more needed to be said?

She had listened to all her complaints many times. She had looked for lost item after lost item. She had made numerous phone calls for her and made numerous appointments for various and sundry things. She had played chauffer and travel guide. She had answered the same question more times than she could count. She had steadied her when she stumbled and calmed her as she became frustrated with her inadequacies. And then she had done it all again.

She loved her Mom. What more needed to be said?

Mom had always been petite. In her youth she had stood all of 5"2". Now she didn't reach 5'. At her highest she might have weighed 160 pounds. Now she may be 100 pounds-soaking wet! She had always sported the softest blonde hair. Now her hair was silver. Once her eyes had been the clearest, purest blue. Now they were clouded with cataracts. And there were more differences--many, many more.

But the Mad Stitcher remembered the way she used to be. She had been the best Mom in the neighborhood. Every child loved her and loved being around her. She had been a role model for most everyone in her neighborhood, adults and children alike. She had been a Den Mother for the Cub Scounts and a Troop Leader for the Girl Scouts. She had been active in the PTA and supported the various fundraisers and school projects that came her way. She had been a Sunday School Teacher and member of the church choir.

But even more importantly she had loved her family. She had made a home for them and painted it with kindness, love, and warmth. Although she and Dad had struggled financially, she had always managed to provide all that was needed and many of the "luxuries". She was teacher, friend, mentor, and fixer of "boo-boos". She had been the disciplinarian but had always tempered discipline with understanding and compassion. She had supported her family in everything they tried to do. She had taught all three of her children, but especially her daughter, the lessons one needed to learn in order to survive the harsh reality known as Life. And she had taught her daughter to be strong--no matter what was thrown her way!

She had listened patiently to all the childish complaints. She has searched for each and every missing item without hesitation. She kept up with everyone's schedules and taxied her brood from activity to activity--never complaining. She had answered the all important questions that were asked time and time again. She helped each one when he stumbled and comforted when the hurts came.

Mom loved her family. What more needed to be said?

Her strength and courage were the threads that wove the fabric of the lives of her family. But even the strongest thread will break if subjected to enough stress. Such was the case for Mom during a yearlong stretch in 1984-1985. Her Mom had been ill for many years and finally passed in August of 1984. A short while later her Dad had gotten very sick. At 89 years of age he struggled month after month. During this time Mom had visited and cared for him daily while continuing to care for her husband and home.

Then one morning in April 1985 she got up and then called to her husband to get up. She went out to get the paper and then went to prepare breakfast. She called him again and still he did not respond. She went to shake him and then she went numb! The love of her life had died in his sleep! No warning! No nothing! She managed to call her youngest son who lived a few blocks away before she collapsed. For the first time in her life Mom needed to lean on someone else.

It became necessary for the Mad Stitcher to care for her Mom. After the funeral she took time off from her job. She handled all the financial and estate decisions since Mom was unable to decide even the smallest thing. During the three weeks following Dad's death, the Mad Stitcher decided that she needed to move back to South Carolina. She really liked living in Tennessee and enjoyed her job. But MS didn't know how long it would be before Mom could function again.

When she called the hospital to talk with the Director of Nursing about her mother's needs, the Mad Stitcher was informed that she would be back at work on Monday. This really didn't sit well with MS. So instead of giving the four-week notice that she had intended to give, she told her what she could do with her job! It probably wasn't the wisest decision she had ever made and would probably hurt her professionally, but it felt like the right thing to do.

She was glad she had made that decision when just a week later (only a month after Dad died) Mom got the call that her Dad had finally succumbed to death. The Mad Stitcher cried more for her Mom than anything or anyone else. She had lost a Mom, a Dad, and a Husband in less than nine months. MS wasn't sure how much more Mom could bear. She knew that it would be a very long time--if ever--before she would even be close to "normal".

The Mad Stitcher was unable to find a job locally so she began looking a little farther afield. She found what she was looking for in Charlotte--about 70 miles from Mom. So all that was left was to find a place to live, pray that her house in Tennessee would sell quickly, pack up, and move! Right!!

Mom was finding it difficult, and MS wasn't sure what she could do to help her. She called her every day and visited every weekend. She encouraged Mom to go out with friends or just to go to the shopping center, if nothing else, to get out of the house. It had taken years and she was just beginning to get back to the "old" Mom when Fate once more took control.

It was 6:00 am when the knock on the door awakened her. Mom's brother was there and immediately Mom knew something was wrong. The train had tried to stop but there just wasn't enough time or distance. The body had been dragged for almost half a mile and had been mangled so badly that they wouldn't let her see him. Her youngest son had been killed!

This seemed to be the final blow. Mom completely lost it. She literally could not function. the Mad Stitcher wasn't sure she would ever recover. Mom simply gave up. She had lost the will to live and the downward spiral began. she couldn't eat and began to lose weight--drastically! She lost interest in her appearance and her health. The decline in her physical health left the door wide open for disease to ravage her mental health. Slowly and insidiously Alzheimer's Disease was encroaching. Her memory was beginning to fail and her muscle control was waning. The regression was becoming more and more pronounced. And paranoia was taking over her thought processes. The Mad Stitcher prayed for a cure for this terrible disease. But in the meantime...

She loved her Mom. What more needed to be said?

I miss you, Mom!

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Thinking out loud....

Yes, I know that's dangerous for me but....

I know it has been a really long time since I was here but I often find it more relaxing to write in my Journal--as in pen and paper--rather than at a keyboard. But I hope to get better with sharing my thoughts here as well. Recently several things have converged to get me thinking about Friendship.

1. A couple of weeks ago I attended my annual stitching retreat/workshop in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina which is hosted by my Local Needlework Shop owner Nancy Hall (The Stitch & Frame Shop in Rock Hill, SC) and Meg Thompson Shinall (Ginnie Thompson Flower Thread). This was my third year attending but many of the ladies have been attending since it's inception about 6 years ago. In March some of us decided to do *Friendship Squares* for Meg and Nancy. Each square was to be 4 inches square and edged with a buttonhole stitch so that they could all be joined together in a wallhanging. Some of us stitched published designs and some of us designed our own but the wallhanging turned out really beautifully. To see it go to : http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FlowerThreaders/?yguid=131876891 and click on photos.

2. Pam Kellogg has been sharing her journey of making a Crazy quilt with us and I have been watching intently and getting lots of ideas. I admit that when I first learned crazy quilting as a child it was simply putting the fabric together and using the embroidery stitches at the joining--no embellishments, etc. So when Martina Weber of Chatelaine Designs started talking about the Crazy quilting I didn't really *get* it. Now I have discovered what it really is as opposed to what I had always *thought* it was! To see it go to: Pam Kellogg

3. Well, last night during one of my sleepless periods I began thinking about all the wonderful friends I have made in the last few years--not only from across the US but also from the UK, France, Germany, Italy, Australia, New Zealand, Finland, and many, many more that I don't mean to leave out. But you get the idea. Because of my health issues and travel difficulties I will never meet most of these friends unless they come here. But I value their friendship none the less.

So all of these things converged and I began to think how neat it would be to have a *friendship quilt* of my own. With small bits stitched from as many different friends and as many different places as possible. Then add these in with pieces I have stitched through the years and never *finished*, all the “practice” pieces from classes I’ve taken, and all the tidbits of lace and ribbon and buttons that I have never thrown away. (I am such a pack rat). I probably wouldn't have to actually buy anything except maybe backing fabric--if that.

Now is this a crazy idea or what? I can’t get it out of my mind so I think I am going to try it. Several people have already volunteered to stitch a small snippit for me and now I am really excited.

I plan to journal this from the beginning to the end, so you can follow my progress and enjoy it with me if you like. And if any of you out there would be willing to stitch a little something for me--no rules...no edgings... no particular fabric, style, etc.--just something from you and signed, of course, I will gladly add you to my quilt. There would be no deadline as this will definitely be a long term project .

My Knight in Shining Armor

I was on my way to the tire store when suddenly I smelled it….That scent….

When I first met Bo in 1987, one of the first things I noticed about him was his scent. The fragrance of his cologne was unique. And the way it blended with his body chemistry was special and he smelled divine! It said so much about him. It was clean yet musky, bold without being overpowering and very seductive—at least to me. There were many times through the years when I teased him and said that it was his scent that I fell in love with. There were others that tried this particular cologne but no one made the same impact on me that he did.

And now here it is….that scent….And then I realized that Bo was there with me. The scent lingered and I began to talk to him. About nothing…About everything. I just talked. I told him how much I miss him and wish he were still there with me. For a moment I was very sad and then I was elated. I now understand that he is with me. A sense of security and warmth enveloped me and I felt more safe than I had felt in a very long time.

That scent remained with me as I drove and I continued to talk. I am sure anyone observing me must have thought me insane! But I really didn’t care. Just as I pulled into the store parking lot the spare tire blew out. Luckily I had already slowed and I was able to control the car. I pulled up to the door and sat there for a moment gathering my wits. It was then that I noticed the scent was gone. Totally. Why? Why was he there? Why had he left so suddenly? Had he been there to protect me...to keep me from impending danger? I think so. I don’t always understand why things happen but I know that they do. Thank you sweetheart. You are still my Prince…my Knight in Shining Armor.